It is time.
I surrender to the word autistic.
I am too tired to fight anymore. I give.
I have been running from this word as fast as possible for two years. I realize now that I cannot outrun this word with a piece of paper from Easter Seals. There will always be people in my son's life who label him as autistic.
What is scarier than the word autistic, is the knowledge that no one actually knows for sure. We just can't at this stage and age.
He is speech-delayed; he has a fine motor delay; he has anxiety; and, I just found out yesterday, he has a gross motor delay. Those are the facts.
The cause? The depth? The breadth? The future? Those are the guesses...
I am not ready to say my child is autistic. That may be denial. If so, I am in good company (his pediatrician and Easter Seals among them).
...But I am tired of fighting the ghost of someone else's guess. As of today, I
will let the word autistic live in my universe. I will not run away from it. I will
not fight it. I will just let it sit beside me.
Isn't it interesting what is in a word?
ReplyDeleteWould anything change if you knew that word was appropriate? Would there be different treatments or therapies at this point?
No. Nothing would change. We would still be treating "symptoms". All that changes is our expectations for his adulthood...
DeleteBut, isn't really difficult to make expectations about the adulthood of someone who is so young? No matter what the diagnosis or symptoms are, so much can change in 5-10 years, let alone 20.
Delete