In My Spirit

These past few years, I have been finally able to grow comfortable inside my body. Lately, I have felt the calling to become comfortable in my spirit.

Years ago, I was lucky enough to hear a sermon titled "Faith Is Not Belief". I will not summarize it here; there is no way I could do it justice. (If you are interested in reading its entirety, it can be found in the book Invitations to the Dance by Michael Brown). This sermon was a significant catalyst on my path. It helped me recognize that I did not need to spend so much energy searching for ways to define my beliefs. I saw that faith does not necessarily need a belief system. I spent the next few years relieved, but embarassed. I took that same energy and wasted it being defensive about my newly found "faith instead of belief". I still felt sheepish admitting to friends and that I had no church home, feeling like an errant child playing hooky. I think it is time to let that go.

The truth is that I do not know the exact nature of the Divine; I cannot map out the edges of my soul. There are mysteries of Life I fully expect to gaze at questioningly for the rest of my life.

And.I.just.don't.know.what.I.believe.

That un-knowing is NOT a tragedy to be overcome.
My un-knowledge is NOT a problem to be fixed.
These mysteries are NOT gaping holes to be filled.

I love and respect my friends and family with strong religious beliefs. I do not want to convince anyone of anything. I am just ready to accept that, although my spiritual journey might look like (and even be...who knows?) aimless wandering, this is exactly where I want to be. I am much too stubborn to be on any other path.
My un-knowledge suits me, and I suspect there is peace deep inside it.