I Surrender, part I

I want to always be striving to be a better person. 
I want to work hard. 
I want to keep growing, and letting myself be uncomfortable. 

I do realize, though, that sometimes it is better to surrender.

I surrender to the fact that I will always be overweight according to someone's chart.

At work, we have these "health advisers" that come once a year to evaluate us.  And it is an evaluation.  We actually get grades for the answers to a questionnaire and our blood work numbers.  We do not have to participate, but we get monetary compensation for doing so. 

When my youngest was one, I decided that I wanted to (finally) get out of the overweight column. 

At the first meeting (four years ago), I weighed 139 pounds and was told that I needed to be 123 pounds in order to be a healthy weight.

The next year, I weighed 122.  I was quite shocked (and angry), when I was told that I needed to be 113 pounds in order to be a healthy weight.

I skipped a year.  I went back (last year).  I weighed 114 pounds.  I was told that I needed to be 109 pounds.  So, I have been plodding toward that goal.

So, to recap, our health adviser told me to get to 123, I did.  Then, they said, "no, you need to get to 113."  I did.  Now, I am supposed to get to 109.  Isn't this a symptom of an abusive relationship? 

I know "abusive relationship" is a bit of an exaggeration, but yesterday, if you asked me why I was still trying to lose weight (and friends have in the past few months), my answer would have been "Because that lady with [our health adviser] said I needed to."

I did talk to my doctor.  She said that although she wouldn't tell me I shouldn't lose weight, I was at the point where I would no longer be losing weight for health reasons.  But the fact that some person at some company would give my health a "C" grade because of the number on the scale still bugs me.

...I know...that's messed up...

So, as of right now, I surrender.  I will stop trying to change my Life and my body to gain approval from a stranger. 

Now...where'd I put those cookies?