Impeccable...or just peccable?

"The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word." ~The Four Agreements

I am addicted to words.  I am constantly searching for the perfect word, the best phrase.  I analyze everyone's words during conversations.  It is common for me to amend, clarify, or apologize for my own words well after the person who heard them has forgotten everything I've said.  Even my living is made primarily by words.

I cannot help myself.  I keep the illusion that the right words can make anything better.

I think my obsession partly stems from being very nosy about other people's minds, and studying their words is more polite than asking personal questions.  I also believe sometimes I use words as a defensive screen - worrying over my words stands in for worrying over my Life.  Trying to phrase my thoughts carefully masks my vulnerability and fear that I have to say the right thing or I won't be heard...respected...loved...

Meanwhile, my personal indisputable proof of a divine sense of humor is the fact that my sweet son cannot understand words easily.  This means that searching for the right word to tell him is often a waste of energy.  So, I am learning to shut up.  That lesson is an uncomfortable and treasured gift.

I am great at filling the void with words...carefully chosen words.  However, I am developing the ability to sit in companionable silence with someone else.  At some point, I hope to have the gift of recognizing when an impeccable word is simply not necessary.