Accidental Meditations

I love meditation.

I love talking about meditation.  I love thinking about meditation.  I love the idea behind meditation.  I love the history behind meditation.

I love my meditation clothes.  I love my meditation space.  I really love the meditation timer app on my phone.

I love everything about meditation... except the part where I have to sit quietly and clear my mind.

I am not so good at that part.  Inevitably, I come to the conclusion that if this is the only way to inner peace I am in deep trouble.

I keep trying, though.  I make the time, I clear my space, I monitor my intention.  And every time, I accomplish more for my to-do list than for my soul.  In almost every clearly constructed session, there are flashing seconds of peace wrapped in a sea of whirling thoughts.

Those seconds keep me coming back.  They also keep me humble.  These tiny glimpses of the path to the well help me clearly see how far I have come, and how far I have to go.  Because when I am honest with myself, I must admit to being petty and egotistical.  I keep thinking that meditation will "cure" me somehow.  Through meditation, I believe I can be wiser, calmer, more creative (and thinner).

When the gong goes off, I realize I am still me.  My problems are still there, and just as painful and complicated as 30 minutes ago.

However...

 Often, later, unbidden and unexpected, that familiar peace will wash over me.  That moment I release (just a bit) my death-grip on the reins of my Life, I see the well.  For just a second.  It is enough.