Part I
Can you get an A on a stress test?
I am going for a stress test tomorrow. Tell a teacher she needs a test (any test) and she will try to study for it. I have been eating quite healthily the past few days and walking extra fast during exercise. I do NOT want to be the 40-year-old who passes out on the treadmill. I am not worried...really. I am not sure what I think or feel about this test. I am not sure what I want from this test. I know that my doctor thinks it is a good idea, and my husband very, very much wants me checked out. I guess my best hope is
to get to know my heart better...to respect my body by learning more about it.
I will be honest. I am not looking forward to it, but I recognize the good that can come out of it (and Chris is going with me). :)
Part II
I talked to Anthony's speech therapist today. I just wanted to check in with her to see how he is doing. She has not finished the beginning of the year tests yet, but she has some results.
When we first started with speech therapy two years ago, we had many speech concerns. One of the biggest worries was his receptive communication. On average, 3 year olds have higher receptive language than expressive language. In other words, most preschoolers understand more than they can say. In Anthony, that was not the case. His receptive language was lower than his expressive. During his first round of testing, he scored three standard deviations below the mean in receptive language. His language was less than the 5th percentile. For non-stats people, that is quite far below his age group. Right now, his receptive language is testing just ONE standard deviation below the mean. He is testing at the 40th percentile for his age group.
I was ecstatic! This is amazing news to me. I had not dared to hope that he would be catching up at this rate. He is clearly working very hard and I am so proud of him. And, of course, I am extremely relieved that he is progressing faster than he is aging...
As I was mentally cartwheeling all the way home, I realized how much motherhood has changed me. That I am a reformed grade-grubbing, score-crazy overachiever tickled pink for her son scoring in the 40th percentile. I swear this kid could win the Nobel Peace Prize and this will be the moment I remember as my proudest...
Scores...grades...tests
They are necessary. We need to know where we can improve. We should identify areas of concern. Once all the useful information is obtained, though, I find it a good idea to let them go. They are a snapshot of one aspect of myself. They do not measure anything important about who I really am.
There is no grade for Life...I think. If there is, I'm really hoping for some extra credit right before the final.
I think the grade for life is the one that we get from our friends, our family, and our children. After all, don't we create our own most difficult tests?
ReplyDeleteWe improve through our own introspection. Those moments when we realize how we've grown and how we are people we wouldn't have recognized years ago (yet we are still so proud to be). I'm so thankful for all the people that I know and call friends because I think that we all help each other grow and become better people, teachers, mothers, wives, and friends. We are all each others' tests and I'm very grateful for that.
Again, a beautifully worded post. I think you missed your calling in English :)
I read your posts and see the deep joy and gratitude of a woman saved by love -- the love you have for others and the love they have for you. And so brave in the face of so much that is incomprehensible ... but you embrace it all like the biggest gift. I hope you never doubt that you are living a most authentic life with grace. Thank you for continuing to share it with the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteOur family and friends grade us, Nikki? Oh, man... I need to be baking you all more cookies...
ReplyDeleteThank you, helen. Your kind words are always so healing...