Ten years ago:
Sitting in a yoga class, I listened to this parable from one of my favorite teachers.
One day, a man went to the village guru for wisdom. The man had so many responsibilities and so little time and money. He worked long, hard hours. His wife was overwhelmed with their children and their home; his mother-in-law lived with them and nagged him incessantly. How could he find peace in the midst of all the chaos?
The wise man listened to him silently, paused to think, and declared, "buy a goat."
Not one to question a guru, the man bought a goat.
A few weeks later, he visited the teacher and complained. Things were much worse! The goat ate him out of house and home. His wife was even more upset, and now his mother-in-law complained ALL the time.
Once again, the guru listened silently and paused to think. He then stated, "sell the goat."
Once again, the man followed the instructions.
He visited the teacher again after a few weeks. This time he brought gifts and praise for the teacher's wisdom. His wife was calmer, the children had more food and clothes...and his mother-in-law approved of him for once! He felt peaceful.
He thanked the guru again and again for helping him find the peace he'd been seeking.
My teacher said that when she was really stressed, she would hang a sign on the refrigerator with the words "sell the goat". She said that, for her, it represented a reminder that peace is at our fingertips. That we don't actually have to change anything to reach it.
Present day:
So, we got a dog. This is Carly. We had her for two weeks...
...and then we gave her back.
Yup.
We're the family that cannot handle a puppy. We could not manage to find any equilibrium in the time that she was with us. As much as we loved her, we just could not make the situation work.
It was a "it's us, not you" situation. She was amazingly sweet and cute and wonderful. It truly hurt us to take her back. Sophie and I cried most of that weekend.
(Carly's story has a happy ending. She was adopted by another family within 48 hours of her return. She was happy and well-loved here. She will be happy and well-loved there.)
Our family peace is a bit more precariously balanced than we realized, it turns out. That knowledge was difficult and painful and hard-won, but worth it, really.
We* didn't get through the experience without wounding each other. Sophie, Chris and I went through whirlwinds of emotions. There were unkind words, hurt feelings, judgmental moments.
*Anthy stayed as far away from the dog as humanly possible while living in the same house.
My very kind friend comforted me by telling to think of Carly's time with us as her all-expense paid dog vacation.
I think of it as our extremely tangible goat-selling.
I wish that puppy were here. I loved her. I loved loving her.
But...my family is calmer now.
Our house is much more peaceful and much less "pees-full" now.
We have the luxury of seeing each other with fresh, new, gentler eyes right at this moment.
A few nights ago, we were watching a Nova episode about pet birds that have been abandoned and need help. I said that maybe someday we could be a bird sanctuary.
Chris' response was not G-rated.
Sell the goat, baby! ;)
